Perspective

I know that I have a lot of catching up to do on this blog. Life happens and you have to roll with the punches and I have had my share.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I am really not, even though I have many valid reasons to do so. But before I update this blog, I want to jot some thoughts down, you know for posterity's sake and maybe also for my own sanity. I just want to put things into perspective.

We are very happy to own our very own house with a backyard and all. It may not be a "dream" house, but it is to me. With tears in my eyes I say that I have waited my whole life to have what I have now- a family and home of my very own. I honestly do feel like I have it all: a wonderful husband, the best little boy, a house with a grassy backyard in the best school district in New York City that's walking distance from Church, good food, great friends and family. Sometimes, though, I really can help but think that it has all come with a hefty price for me.

Ever since we moved out of Brooklyn, it seems like there has been one difficulty right after another with little time to recover before the next challenge comes along. To recap: my hospitalization for a kidney infection, my severe allergic reaction to a poison ivy and poison sumac incident, hail broke our rear car window and dimpled our whole car, Hurricane Irene dropped a tree on our house, the never ending home repairs, computer problems, costly auto maintenance and repairs, medical bills, repeated strep throat infections and now I have enlarged lingual tonsils that when infected make it difficult to swallow and breath. [I had an MRI of my throat done last week which "didn't show anything that could be considered cancerous" so that's a relief, but my ENT still wants me to have a biopsy under general anesthesia in the next week or so. I am sad, disappointed, scared, but oddly enough hopeful.]

They say we shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone because we all face different challenges in our lives. I beg to differ. I can think of a number of people who lead normal happy lives with very little, if anything, rattling their cages. I have played by the book, as they say, and still encounter difficulty after difficulty, enough to make anyone throw their fists up into the air in anger and weep inconsolably. Sure, I've made mistakes along the way in my life, we all do. When I am faced with yet another challenge, or hurdle as I now like to call it, I can't help but take another look back at my life and count the times I have been happy and at peace. Sadly (or thankfully depending on how I am feeling) there appears to be a handful of happy moments. Then, while in the middle of these happy moments, quite suddenly, it felt like the rug is pulled out from underneath me. It feels like this happens repeatedly in my life and I'm left to wonder why. I don't know, maybe I am one of those unfortunate people now who are always up against something. We all have a friend or know someone like that. It's almost as if I am made to be an example for others. It is not a good place to be in, but nevertheless here I am.

Some would say that maybe I am being punished for past mistakes, my attitude, selfishness, or my lack of foresight. Well, I don't feel like I am being punished. Honestly, when the going gets rough, I do sometimes feel like I am being punished, but I quickly correct myself.

You see, I believe that there is a purpose and reason for all things. Nothing is set in stone, meant to be or fate. I don't believe in it. We make our own choices, for good or ill. Sure, bad things happen and many times it's not our fault. It appears though that there is a contingency plan for when bad things do happen. Suddenly, I get the help I need to survive it all: family, friends, the good word of God through scriptures and the words of His counselors, mouthpieces and humble servants, going to Church, Temple worship and most definitely- prayer. In another time and place, I chose my lot in life because I knew what the rewards, or blessings as I like to call them, would be for choosing my path. I believe that somehow I knew it would all be worth it in the end!

So, "grin and bear it with dignity and a sense of gratitude for the lessons to be learned" has been my mantra lately. I think it is a good and healthy perspective for me right now.